Lesson 1 – Introduction to BiblicalCounseling�

What is counseling?

�The dictionary defines “counsel” as:

·       �The act of exchanging opinions and ideas; consultation.

·       �Advice or guidance, especially as solicited from a knowledgeable person.

·       �A plan of action.

·       �Synonyms include advice, direction, guidance, consultation, recommendation.

There are many definitions given from various sources for the process of counseling. A few of them include, counseling is something that provides direction or advice as to a decision or course of action.

Counseling is “the process by which a professional counselor helps a person cope with mental or emotional distress and understand and solve personal problems.”–American Cancer Society

Counseling is “the application of mental health, psychological or human development principles, through cognitive, affective, behavioral or systematic intervention strategies, that address wellness, personal growth, or career development, as well as pathology.” –American Counseling Association

Do you see anything questionable about these above definitions?

A good working definition for our purposes is: “Counseling is a form of guidance in which a trained or knowledgeable person offers advice or education about specific life problems or issues of living.”

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What are the various types of counseling?

�There are several classical methods associated with the field of counseling. Most modern counselors find themselves using one of these or a combination of these. It is not our purpose to give exhaustive definitions of these methods but only to offer a brief summary of them for the purpose of comparison. A fuller understanding of these methods is discussed in The Christian Counselor’s Manualby Jay Adams.

There is the Rogerian method popularized by Carl Rogers.The Rogerian model is characterized by some of the following:

·       �It presupposes that man has truth within himself and through guided introspection can come to a solution.

·       �It usually avoids any direct advice, confrontation, and references to moral absolutes.

·       �The counselor’s primary function is to help the counselee unlock the inner secrets within and realize his or her inner potential. He does this my mirroring the patient’s thoughts and restating what has been said.

There is the Freudian method popularized by Sigmund Freud.The Freudian model is characterized by some of the following:

·       �It presupposes that man is basically a clean slate when he is born and that any problems he may have are due to the fact that he has been wrongly socialized by someone or something else (e.g. parents, environment).

·       �Most Freudians believe that guilt is an artificial and harmful activity that is the result of parental and societal mores.

·       �The primary method is to dig deep into the person’s soul (psyche) and past to try to analyze why they are the way they are. Balance is often achieved by being able to blame others or offer an excuse for one’s behavior.

There is the Skinnerian method popularized by B.F. Skinner.The Skinnerian model is characterized by some of the following:

·       �It presupposes that man is like any other animal and can be trained or behaviorally controlled by manipulating his environment or biology.

·       �The primary method is to employ various behavior modification techniques that include stimulus and response. It may include behavior modification by using various drug related treatments.

There is the biblical method popularized by Jesus and the Apostles.This, of course, is the method that we will be pursuing in this course about which we will give fuller definition and expression as we continue.

What is biblical counseling?

Biblical counseling is to be distinguished from other forms of counseling in several ways:

·       �Biblical counseling begins from the premise that man is created by God and did not evolve from lower life forms.

·       �Biblical counseling, therefore, sees man as the crown of God’s creation completely distinguished from the other animals, having a spirit, soul, and a body.

·       �Biblical counseling acknowledges that the God who created man understands man better than man understands himself.

·       �Biblical counseling accepts the fact that the God of the universe has an opinion about most of the issues that affect mankind.

·       �Biblical counseling acknowledges that the Bible is God’s word to man and represents His opinion relative to every area that it addresses.

·       �Biblical counseling assumes that God has given to man everything that man needs to make right decisions and solve all of life’s problems (II Pet. 1:2-4).

Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord; seeing that His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence. For by these He has granted to us His precious and magnificent promises, so that by them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world by lust. Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love. NASB 1995 II Pet. 1:2-7

Biblical counseling assumes that man will never be able to function properly unless he is in right relationship with God and His word.

Biblical counseling has been compromised in many ways.

·       �It has been compromised by the teaching of humanistic psychology that is taught in most institutions of learning.

·       �It has been compromised by educators who themselves have been trained in humanistic psychology and tend to see what they have been taught as being superior to religious teaching or insight.

·       �It has been compromised by the teaching of relative truth and situation ethics which see the Bible as an antiquated, religious relic.

·       �It has been compromised by evolutionary concepts that pervade many realms of society. These concepts include the ideas that…

1.     �Man is inherently good.

2.     �Man is a product of his environment.

3.     �There is no absolute authority (God).

4.     �Morality is relative and culturally developed.

·       �It has been compromised by Christian counselors that have blended biblical revelation with humanistic ideas.

·       �It has been compromised by the attempt to reclassify sinful behavior as diseases or disorders making it difficult to achieve biblical solutions.

1.     �Drunkenness becomes alcoholism.

2.     �Fornication becomes “sexually active”.

3.     �Homosexuality becomes “gay”.

4.     �Thieves become kleptomaniacs.

5.     �A variety of sinful behavior can be labeled emotional problems, co- dependency, personality disorder, dysfunctionality, etc.

�It has been compromised by an exaltation of the process of counseling rather than the responsible actions of the one being counseled.

What I mean by that is that sometimes people see counseling as an unending discipline that puts most of the responsibility for a solution on the one doing the counseling rather than on the one being counseled. Some counselors foster this attitude because their livelihood depends on people never fully recovering.

This is where the term “counseling” often changes to “therapy.”

�Therapy often implies that there is a process that might help if the process is continued on a continual basis, but no solution is guaranteed. Chemotherapy for cancer cannot guarantee success. Physiotherapy for restoring full motions cannot be guaranteed.

It is difficult to extend real hope to people when there is no guaranteed result. Hoping can become “wishing” or “wishful thinking.” The Bible offers real answers to real problems. The Bible has a solution for every need of man.

It has been compromised as pastors and church leaders are intimidated by professional counselors.

Pastors and church leaders are made to feel that they are ill-equipped to handle the modern problems of sexual abuse, abortion, repressed memories, and the like. Pastors are intimidated by terms and concepts that are not referenced in the Bible and can easily capitulate to the pressure placed upon them by trained professionals.

Pastors and church leaders are also intimidated when their solutions are called “simplistic” by those who love to complicate things. We are just as simplistic as Peter was on the day of Pentecost when he gave counsel to about 3000 people.

I like what Martin Luther once said. It went something like, “A poor uneducated man armed with the Bible is more equipped and more powerful than all of the university-trained doctors and lawyers without the Bible.”

I am not anti-education or pro-ignorance. I am saying that no problem that occurs in the lives of people is a surprise to God. His word addresses every condition of mankind.

What are the main reasons why people seek counseling?

�“Counseling is the interaction of people at the need level of life sharing insights toward the solutions of real problems.” Charles H. Nichols

Counseling is sought in many different realms of life and living.

·       �Career Counseling

·       �Relationship Counseling

·       �Marriage Counseling

·       �Family Counseling

·       �Financial Counseling

·       �Grief Counseling

·       �Behavioral Counseling (Addictions, Anger, Worry, Fear)

·       �Crisis Counseling

Counseling is sought for many different reasons.

·       �The counselee simply needs advice about a decision.

The Initial Counseling Session

There are several agenda items for the initial counseling session. Depending on the complexity of the problem little more may be able to be done at this time.

Open in Prayer

Prayer should be a big part of the counseling process. It should take place at the beginning and end of every session and sometimes in the middle when appropriate (Jam. 5:16).

Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. NASB 1995 Jam. 5:16�

1.     �The counselor should spend time in prayer prior to the session asking the Lord for wisdom and supernatural insight.

2.     �The counselees should spend time in prayer prior to the session asking the Lord for a sensitive heart to hear and receive the voice of the Holy Spirit.

3.     �Special seasons of prayer and fasting may also be prescribed as homework over appropriate issues.

Review of the Personal Data Inventory

Here the counselor will seek to clarify or qualify answers that were given or not given on the form.

Brief Testimony

It is good to have them share a brief testimony of their life to give you a backdrop for their problems they may be having and also a better understanding of who they are and the extent of their relationship to the Lord. The testimony should focus on several things.

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1.     �Where they were born.

2.     �What were the circumstances of their childhood.

3.     �How they came to the Lord.

4.     �What positive spiritual experiences they have had.

5.     �How they came to the church.

6.     �What is the main issue that is concerning them.

Additional for Couples

1.     �How they met as a couple.

2.     �What were the things that drew them to each other.

Note: During this time the counselor should be jotting down anything that he or she thinks may be valuable at some later time in the process.

Lay Out Ground Rules

�The counselee(s) needs to know that you as a counselor are in charge of the gathering and that you will be establishing the ground rules as to how it will be run. They need to know that at any point in the process you feel it necessary, you will call them back to the ground rules. The ground rules can be summarized by the basic admonition to “behave like a Christian.” Specifically, they include such things as the following:

1.     �We will not use foul language at any time in the counseling sessions.

2.     �We will always speak to each other in respectful ways.

3.     �We will never demean another person by our tone of voice, body language, sighing or groaning.

4.     �We will not interrupt the other person when he or she is talking.

5.     �We will not make unsupported assumptions about what the other person thinks or feels.

6.     �We will not make predictions about what another person will or will not do.

7.     �We will focus on what is edifying and helpful for a solution (I Cor. 10:23).

8.     �We will always seek the wellbeing of the other (I Cor. 10:24).

Establish Initial Commitments�

Establish their true salvation.

You cannot expect someone who is lost in sin and alienated from the life of God to be able to walk in the ways of God.

Establish their true desire for God’s will.

Not everyone wants the will of God for their lives. Some people just want the problems to go away.

Establish their willingness to change.

Every counselee must realize that if they are going to have a different result in their life, they will have to change what they are doing. To expect a different result without doing anything different is unreasonable. The changes that they will be called upon to make will be changes that may bring them closer to their personal goal of being more like Christ.

There are various types of counselees when it comes to the issue of change.

·       �There are those who really want change.

·       �There are those who want you to change for them.

·       �There are those that have no intention of changing. In this case they may just want the pressure off of them.

·       �There are those who want you to put pressure on their spouse or someone else to change.

·       �There are those who expect the process to work without change.

·       �There are those who have no friends and just want someone with whom to talk regularly and often.

·       �There are those who just want sympathy for their problem.

·       �There are those who want to change but their spouse will not (In this case all you can do is work with the open one, they are the key progress).

It is important that the counselee understands that he or she is not making changes to gain a blessing, to get the heat off, to change their spouse or to look good socially. It is important that they understand that they are making changes because they want to glorify God in their life. They are making changes because it is the right thing to do.

Establish their willingness to cooperate (meeting times).

As a counselor your time is valuable, and it is very important that those you are counseling make personal sacrifices to meet with you the same way they would for a physician or medical practitioner.

Establish their willingness to conform to the standard of God’s word.

The word of God is the will of God and the standard for every Christian’s behavior. If you are going to be able to make any progress, all parties must acknowledge the authority of the word of God.

Establish their willingness to work (homework).

Your personal involvement as a counselor is based completely on their willingness to participate in the process. You will never give them homework that is too difficult for them to do, but if they do not do the homework that is given, there is no point in continuing to meet.

Establish their willingness to walk by principle and not by feelings.

You are calling them to a walk of faith. Many of the things that they will be given to do in this process will go against what their feelings are telling them to do. However, if they are going to succeed, they will have to do many things that they do not feel like doing. In this commitment we are asking for simple faith and obedience to the word of God. Such obedience on a personal level is not dependent upon what another person may or may not do. It is an offering to Christ.

Give a Simple Assignment (Basic Assignment, See Sample)

Assignments should be given after every session. The first thing that should be done in subsequent sessions is to examine the homework. The first assignment may have to do with simple prayer and Bible reading. If you can restore people to a strong personal devotional life with the Lord, you will have accomplished something great.

Give Hope

Remind them that the process of recovery will most likely take some time. In some cases, it took them years to get into their problem and it will most likely take some time to walk out of their problem. However, you want to reassure them that there is an answer and that it is to be found in God. If all you accomplish in the first session is to give hope, you will have accomplished much. We will discuss this topic further in another lesson.

Close in Prayer

Note: Your personal demeanor in the sessions should be relaxed and never shocked. It should include positive body language and remaining somewhat detached emotionally (Pro. 17:27).

He who restrains his words has knowledge, And he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. NASB 1995 Pro. 17:27�

Elements of the Counseling Process

We will be looking at all these areas in more detail in the subsequent sessions. We are listing these areas here for the sake of giving us an overview of the process of counseling.

Gathering Information

The Bible makes it clear that when we answer a matter before we hear it we are being foolish (Pro. 18:13).

He who gives an answer before he hears, It is folly and shame to him. Pro. 18:13

Making sure that we have a full understanding of the issues, and all the pertinent facts is essential if we are to make a proper diagnosis and an appropriate prescription for change.

All too often when the counselor is in a hurry he or she will jump ahead in their mind and make an assumption as to where the counselee is going with their line of thinking. All too often the counselor will make a wrong assumption leading to the offering of advice before having a handle on the real issues. This will not only postpone a real solution, it will undermine the credibility of the counselor. The counselee will know when you are not on target and will lose confidence in you as a counselor. The effect may be so profound that the counselee may never open up quite as much as they would have had this not happened. They may even view you as incompetent to handle their problem.

Clarifying Statements

People love to speak in terms of sweeping generalities. The truth is that life is not lived in the abstract. All generalities must be clarified if true progress is going to be made. People will often make accusations about a person by using terms like “always” or “never.”

Most children will use generalities when they are trying to make a case for themselves. Perhaps the most common one is “Everyone is doing it.” The truth is not everyone is doing it. If you can find one other person who is not doing it, then everyone is not doing it.

The counselor cannot let these types of statements go unchallenged. When they use them, they are exaggerating and have the effect of putting themselves in a better light than is strictly the case and putting another person in a worse light than is strictly the case.

Instilling Hope

Instilling hope in the counselee is perhaps the main task of the counselor at the front end of the counseling process. There may be many reasons why the counselee sees his or her situation as hopeless. When you first hear what they have to say, that may even be your first thought about it. However, we know as Christians we have powerful resources available to us. There is no situation that is beyond God’s ability to sort out. The counselor must build hope in the counselee based on the power of the Word of God, the grace of God and the Spirit of God.

Breaking down the Problem

The best way to tackle complex problems is to break them down into their most basic parts. Often people’s problems are the result of an accumulation of several failures or issues. If you can separate some of them out, you can take several small steps to a large solution.

Pinpointing Underlying Attitudes

All actions are based on a particular attitude or motivation. The problem may be stealing, lying or inconsiderateness, but the root issue might be laziness, selfishness, covetousness, or pride. In another lesson we will also be identifying some root attitudes that often serve as a basis for inappropriate behavior.

Affirming Foundational Commitments

Once the problem has been broken down and underlying attitudes have been identified, the counselor needs to revisit the original commitments to the word and will of God.

This can be done by asking the counselee, “Are you willing to discover what God’s word says about this area?” If humility is not at the base of our dialogue, the counselor can go no further. Unless there is a proper attitude at this point, we must go back and affirm the foundations for the counseling process.

Bringing the Counselee to a Place of Personal Confession of Failure (Pro. 28:13).

He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper, But he who confesses and forsakes them will find compassion. NASB 1995 Pro. 28:13

At some point the counselee needs confess his or her own failures (Jam. 5:16). One way to do so is to have them write down what they feel their failures are. Many will not go past this point and admit any wrong. If they do not admit wrong, you may have to give them a biblical warning.

Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. NASB 1995 Jam. 5:16�

Sharing Solutions and a Prescription for Change

Develop a scriptural prescription for change. Right diagnosis is essential to writing a proper prescription.

1.     �What actions and attitudes must be put off (Eph. 4:22-5:21; Col. 3:1-17)?

2.     �What actions and attitudes must be put on?

3.     �What activities can I do that will help?

4.     �What activities should I avoid doing?

5.     �Who can I go to for help?

6.     �Why am I doing all of this?

Giving and Checking Homework

Homework is an essential part of the counseling process. Homework should always be relevant to the matters at hand and simple enough that anyone who is even slightly motivated can easily accomplish it. Homework accomplishes two things. It gets the counselee involved in activities that are outside of their normal routines (breaking habit patterns) and it serves as a major barometer to measure the counselee’s willingness to work or put out effort toward a solution.

Following Up on the Counselee

Habits are not changed overnight. Most counselees will need some kind of follow-up for the purpose of accountability. This can be done by:�

1.     �Using additional meetings

2.     �Using additional homework

3.     �Using regular personal contact

Motivating People to Change�

Change is a normal part of the Christian life.

No one is perfect. No one is completely Christ-like in all of the realms of their personal life. It is not unusual for a Christian to have areas of imperfection in their life. However, it is a problem if they have no desire to grow or to change. The following material on change can be used when you need to motivate people toward change.

The Christian life is characterized by several concepts all of which reflect “change.”

These concepts include:

·       �Growth

·       �Progress

·       �Transformation

·       �Advancement

·       �Development

·       �Increase

·       �Maturation

�There are many key verses that describe the experiences that are common to all Christians.

But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, That shines brighter and brighter until the full day. NASB 1995 Proverbs 4:18

But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit. NASB 1995 II Corinthians 3:18

but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, NASB 1995 Ephesians 4:15

Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. NASB 1995 Romans 12:1-2

Now as to the love of the brethren, you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves are taught by God to love one another; for indeed you do practice it toward all the brethren who are in all Macedonia. But we urge you, brethren, to excel still more, NASB 1995 I Thessalonians 4:9-10

not boasting beyond our measure, that is, in other men’s labors, but with the hope that as your faith grows, we will be, within our sphere, enlarged even more by you, NASB 1995 II Corinthians 10:15

but grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory, both now and to the day of eternity. Amen. NASB 1995 II Peter 3:18

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. NASB 1995 Philippians 1:6

The walk with God is a progressive walk, on and on, deeper and deeper, more and more, right up until we meet the Lord whether through the grave or at the Second Coming of Christ.

That means that the only thing in the Christian life that is constant is change.�

Nowhere are we instructed to become faint, to relax in our efforts, to settle down, to level off or to taper off as the years go by.

On the contrary we are instructed to:�

·       �Stir ourselves up.

·       �Press toward the mark.

·       �Take the kingdom.

·       �Possess our inheritance.

·       �Lay hold of the will of God.

·       �Fight the good fight of faith.

�All these admonitions speak of taking an aggressive posture when it comes to issues of change.

�Change is a command from the Lord Himself (Eph. 4:17-24).

So this I say, and affirm together with the Lord, that you walk no longer just as the Gentiles also walk, in the futility of their mind, being darkened in their understanding, excluded from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the hardness of their heart; and they, having become callous, have given themselves over to sensuality for the practice of every kind of impurity with greediness. But you did not learn Christ in this way, if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught in Him, just as truth is in Jesus, that, in reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth. NASB 1995 Eph. 4:17-24

�Change is a very difficult thing to do (Jer. 13:23).

“Can the Ethiopian change his skin Or the leopard his spots? Then you also can do good Who are accustomed to doing evil. NASB 1995 Jer. 13:23

�There are some things that we can change.

·       �We can change our personal attitudes.

·       �We can change our actions.

·       �We can change learned behavior and cultural tendencies.

·       �We can change and break away from family characteristics (stubborn, hardheaded, alcoholic, etc.).

There are some things that we cannot change.

1.     �We cannot change other people.

2.     �We cannot change the past.

The past is gone. The effects of the past might remain in our lives, but they can be removed through such things as forgiveness, restitution and reconciliation.

3.     �We cannot change our genetic or inherited characteristics.

We must focus on what we have the power to change.

All such change comes from a genuine heart of repentance. All true repentance leads to change. If it does not lead to change it is not true repentance but worldly sorrow, regret, and self-pity.

·       �Change is possible for anyone with the help of God.

·       �The key to accessing God’s help is having a personal willingness to change.

Personal Data Inventory

Date                                        � Name                                                           �Phone                              �Cell                                   ��Address                                                                                                                                               � Occupation                                                                  �Business Phone                                  � Sex          �Date of birth               �Marital Status: Single Married Separated Divorced Widowed Education (last year completed)                                                                                                               � Other training                                                                                         �

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HEALTH INFORMATION

Rate your health: Very good        � Good         � Average         � Declining         � Other         � Date of last medical examination                                   � Report                                                         � Your physician                                                                       � Phone                                            � Are you presently taking any medication?   ��What kind and for what purpose?                                       �

RELIGIOUS BACKGROUND

Date saved                         �Check all that apply          �Water Baptized            �

Church Partner                                      �Participated in an Encounter, Date                             � Church attended in childhood                                                                                                              � Church currently attending                                                                                                                   ��Church attendance per month: (circle one) 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10+ Partnership Date                                   ��Do you pray to God? Never                         � Occasionally             � Often               �

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MARRIAGE AND FAMILY BACKGROUND

Name of spouse:                                                                     �Spouse’s age               � Address   �                                                                                                                                              � Education (last year completed)                                                                                               � How long did you know your spouse before marriage?                                                                     � How long did you date steadily?            �Length of engagement                                           � Marriage date                                         �Husband’s age when married        �Wife’s age when married        ��Have you ever been separated?   � When and for how long?                                                               ��Give brief information about any previous marriage                                                                           �

INFORMATION RELATING TO CHILDREN

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Name of Child	Age	Sex	Education StatusYears Completed	Marital Status
�	�	�	�	�
�	�	�	�	�
�	�	�	�	�
�	�	�	�	�
�	�	�	�	�

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If you were reared by someone other than your biological parents, please briefly explain                 ___________________________________________________________________

   _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Relationship with parents: Very good    �Good     �Average     �Below average   �_ Other      � Have you talked with a Pastor/Counselor from City Life Church or any other church, or a licensed

secular counselor about the present difficulty? Yes    � No     �

If so, who and when?                                                                                                                �

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Have you ever been arrest or convicted of a crime? If yes, please explain:                                     �

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VOCATIONAL INFORMATION

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Where are you presently employed?                                                                                          �

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List the types of jobs that you have held                                                                                    �

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Have you ever been fired from a job              �Explain                                                              �

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Please read the following carefully before you sign!

The counselors at City Life Church operate under the pastoral department of the church and utilize the Bible as their guide for all counsel given. They are not licensed counselors. In serving those who need counsel they will maintain confidentiality regarding information disclosed by the counselee. However, there may be times when a counselor may feel that it is in the best interest of the counselee to discretely share some information with the pastoral staff of the church for the purpose of bringing a solution to the problem or resolving a particular conflict. If you have questions regarding confidentiality and the counseling process, please discuss it with your counselor.

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Counselee’s Signature                                                                         �